Please tell me I’m not alone. Has it happened to you yet? Has your child behaved or spoken in a way that clearly mimicked you? I don’t mean the silly “repeat every word I say” mimicking. I am talking about, has your child, his/her own person, spoken or responded in a way that seemed quite in line with how you also would have acted, like looking in a mirror?
At times the mirroring is of unimportant details, like using phrases that are uniquely you. After spending time with my family, my husband often finds parallels to how things I do copy one of my parents, like the way I hold a coffee mug, or the way I segway in a conversation, or even how I pronounce certain words. It is truly unreal the amount of nuances we pick up from our primary caregivers.
And even more eye-opening, if our children are picking up the small things, we better believe they are picking up on the big things too, good or bad! We provide the first lens for how they process the world around them, and often we don’t even have to tell them a thing. Our children are catching so much from just doing life with us.
Ponder for a minute some of the questions our children could probably answer about us purely from observation:
How do I spend my free time?
Who do I like to spend my time with?
How do I spend my money?
How do I handle disappointment?
How do I handle success?
How do I behave when I am tired, hungry, sick?
What life skills are important to me?
What do I enjoy talking about?
Consider this. Your children are likely learning more from how you live than from how you tell them to live. Are all these topics important to talk about with our children? I believe so. My kids and I are always talking. But I think even more importantly, I need to make sure the values I want my children to learn are lived out in my own life. What a gift we give them when what we say matches how we live.
I know what you are thinking, “Oh but I am not a perfect parent!” I know; me neither. I mess up every single day. We’ll talk about that in a future post. But if I desire my kids to hold certain values and live a certain way, my life should increasingly look more like that.
I am so grateful for God’s grace to me, His undeserved favor. He knows I am not perfect. That’s why He sent Jesus to die for me and give me a new life in Him. My new life is not a striving to an unattainable perfection, but it is growing to reflect Him more, and in turn, those watching me, I pray, would be drawn to Him as well. I am not the perfect parent but I have the Perfect Father who invites me to follow Him.
Real life story:
No joke, this happened as I was pondering this topic. We had just finished a challenging Friday homeschool day. Emotions were high, even this mom’s. We had worked through some of the emotions and made some apologies. My husband rushed home because we had carefully researched a potential car we were wanting to buy and had made an appointment to see it at a dealership a considerable hour and a half drive from our house. On the way, we prayed and asked that God would give us wisdom and clarity as to whether or not we should buy the car.
Well, when we arrived, the potential car was not there. In fact, it had been sold earlier that day and the dealership had not communicated that to us. It was frustrating to say the least. We had come filled with so much anticipation only in that moment to have it dashed. Not to mention, none of us really had wanted a 3 hour car ride on a Friday night. But God was so good. My husband and I were able to keep our calm and even avoid being tricked into a more expensive car we didn’t want. We piled back in the car, made a quick stop at the gas station for potties and a treat, and headed home. But how the questions and conversations started flowing!!! First of all, we could recognize God answered our prayer…you can’t buy a car that isn’t there. We got to talk about some of the dishonesty we had experienced and why it bothered us. And, the kids got to process and see in real time how we handled our disappointment. Perfectly? Probably not. Authentically? I think so.
Though it means we still haven’t found a replacement for our old family car, I think so much more good came from that Friday night experience than if the car had been there.
Comments
2 responses
It’s so true that our kids pick up MANY things from us unknowingly. I often joke, “well, you got THAT from your father!” And, then there’s the moment when I realize that they got something from me…sometimes a good thing, sometimes a not so good thing. How wonderful it is that we can look to Jesus and He loves as is!!
Yes, thankful for Jesus’ unconditional love! And praying that He will still redeem the not so good things my kids learn from me.